(not) A Good Day to Die Hard

Certificate 12A (seriously?) 97 minutes ★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆

Oh dear. Oh very dear.

The film opens in a Moscow nightclub where we see a man kill someone in cold blood. We then switch to the good old U S of A, where cop John McClane is preparing to travel to Moscow to find out why his estranged son, Jack, is on trial for murder. When he gets there, yelling “I’m on vacation!” at anyone who’ll listen, he quickly finds himself in the middle of a terrorist plot.

What then follows is three set-piece action sequences (car chase, hotel shoot-out, helicopter shoot-out) that defy logic, believability and survivability. – Willis and Courtnay leap 20 stories through a plate glass window while under intense fire from a helicopter gunship, and Willis quips “that was fun, want to go again?”

These action pieces are then strung together by the most inane, badly scripted drivel. Mostly Bruce Willis shouts “I’m on vacation.” At least it was easy to learn. Then we rush off to Chernobyl (a distance of 430 miles, according to google – I’d love a car that can drive that in one night!) for more destruction, plus tonnes of weapons grade uranium that just happens to be stashed there..

What made the original Die Hard great was the fish out of water believability: One cop, one building, one night, 13 terrorists. Simples.

Now, we have a geriatric indestructible super hero father son bonding CIA movie. The action sequences by themselves work on a generic action-hero level, which is about the best I can say. The dancing, carrot-chomping “villain” is not a patch on Alan Rickman’s shadow, yet alone the man himself. The linking scenes are risible. In short, this is *NOT* any kind of Die Hard movie.

And to add insult to injury, the UK version was cut for a 12A rating.

 Yippie ky…. Nah. I’m on vacation. 5/10